Ik was niets voor jouw. Ik was niets voor jullie familie. Mischien het niet waar is maar, voor mij, ik was niets voor jouw en jullie familie. En ik was niets van de eerste moment. Ik was "iemand wij warme moet zijn omdat ze met J getrouwd is". Niet meer. Dat is mijn opinie achter alles.

Ik ben aan het dinken dat een dag wij moet nog een keer praten. Ik ben niet klaar hoe dat moelijk moment zal zijn. Maar ik weet dat jullie ogen gaan naar beneden kijken...

... omdat jij kan niet tegen mijn ogen kijken! Jullie hebben zo veel gedaan dat niet goed ist!!

In English I shall proceed for My Dutch is not as fluent as I would like it to be, but you know that for your family I was nothing relevant. That I'm to bitter? Maybe. But, shall I remind you of all your not honoured promises? Maybe I will end up being benevolent.

Remember you said to my parents, being me the interpretor, that you were going to look after me carefully because now I was like your daughter? And weren't you the same who, in my worse sickness ever, let me alone in house, with fever in winter, weak as a leaf of an oak in autumn and sad after leaving my family back in Venezuela?

Remember you said of me "you're a very sparkling and sweet girl"? And weren't you the same who said that I was the responsible for the dead of your son and, therefore, I should quit to my dutties on the inheritance after his dead?

Remember you said to me that you, both, always wanted to have a girl but you only had two boys and that, now, after both of your sons were married, you had ended up having two girls, the ones you never had the chance to have? And weren't you the same who, after keeping me 3 days in a row with no news about the causes of the death of my husband who you left me out of the ceremony of his funeral by not placing me not even in the cards of invitation?

And I don't dare to think of something better than an inmense sadness. That you didn't ignore me, acusse me and didn't write me or called me evermore not due to hate but to sadness. I refuse to think a person like you could be that mean intentionally...

But I just wanted to tell you that I didn't forget not even a word from you, not even those you gave me when you heared of my intention to return to my homeland due to my personal crisis of self-steem and my deep sorrow and sadness: "it's not the happiest moment of our lives, but we understand you couldn't addapt and you have to leave..."

You didn't see I addapted. You didn't see I struggled like never. You didn't noticed my personal deterioration, my thousand new manias, my little routines to keep myself occupied and not thinking of the things I had left and I wouldn't have again. You didn't see that I did all what I did (even destroying myself) for love, for giving your son and I a chance...

And I don't say he didn't love me a lot. He loved me with the best he had. But he couldn't love better, more generously, more openly, more completely, because he never had a good model of love in his house.

So, the next time you want to accuse me of something else (there have been so many things, there surelly will be more), try to see that the problem was you and your vision and not mine:

You didn't teach your son to love generously and openly,
You didn't teach your son to express openly his feelings,
You didn't support vigorously your son after my departure,
You didn't go against the words of your son: "my parents are always like that, they think first of themselves, andthen of the rest". You simply accpted them.

So, lately, Mr. A, I feel you have no right to accuse me of anyhting. Specially since I never was somebody for the family. Not even if I would have stayed with J the rest of my life and would have had children with him. What's horrifying to me, is that you could have been the grandparents of my children...